who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.