I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
