You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
