shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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