Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
