dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
