he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
