You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize