its not stalking. its research.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
