My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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