He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
