It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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