FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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