we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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