I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
