Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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