i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
