How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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