I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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