i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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