i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she peed on how many people?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
