I can text with my tongue
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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