i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
