Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
