I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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