When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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