he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You left your phone here
Wait...
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