Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
