I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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