His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
