I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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