totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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