If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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