nut hugger
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
