We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
