The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
