oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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