so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
