We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
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