The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
