no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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