Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
