I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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