My Higher Power is John Stamos
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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