I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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