i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
