If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
