I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
