She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
