Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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