I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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