Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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