My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
