how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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