I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
