I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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