ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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