I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just tell him i said nine months
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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