3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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