Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
