Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize