Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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