do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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