I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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