Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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