I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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