If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize